The Shape of Things to Come

It is a well known fact that the national North American networks are very wary of anything truly innovative. Therefore new TV shows are usually couched in other, successful formulae that have gone before. For example, Star Trek was originally sold as "a Wagon Train to the stars". Twin Peaks was "a Peyton Place for the nineties". In such a spirit, how might a wacko concept like Doctor Who be presented to the cigar-chomping executives? Imagine the scene as the producer tries to sell the idea to the player behind the desk in under a minute. What programmes could provide the ideal template?

NYPD Who

Hey! You think space-time travelling is easy? This is the show that tells it like it is! It is a hard hitting, no holds barred look at how gritty and dirty life can get when you're standing alone against the scum of the galaxy; with no back up from your superiors; reams of paperwork and corrupt galactic law courts that let those Cyber drug-dealers walk free. Our Doctor kicks ass; he's a guy whose tired of all the shit in his life, right? No wonder he has a drink problem, I mean who can blame him right? And what with all those buy-the-book rookie companions he has to nursemaid it's a wonder he can stay sane. This series won't be afraid to be controversial, why in an early episode there's a steamy shower scene between his companion and a guest star! The audience will cheer at the pilot episode when the Doctor hauls Davros' ass out of his Dalek shell, slams him against the car bonnet and blows him to pieces with his blaster shouting, "EXTERMINATE THIS YOU WIZENED MOTHER F**KER!"

Who Wrote Murder

We're taking a bold step and making the Doctor a woman! She'll received a distress call every week and materialise to help clear an old friend or relative of a murder charge. In her current regeneration, the Doctor has a passion for writing mystery novels which are pan-galactic best-sellers and she'll be recognised everywhere with 'hilarious' consequences.

Who Street Blues

We are going back to popular seventies UNIT family ear but bringing it up to date. This series isn't really about invasions from space or rubber monsters; it's a people show. As well as watching them fight monsters we will be tackling the UNIT team's personal lives as well which will help the audience identify with them. There's Liz Shaw, an attractive woman who puts her career before her love life which makes people think she's cold when really she just wants to be loved. Idealistic Captain Yates who has got a lot to learn about life in the field. The HQ eccentric is the Doctor, a boffin who'll be handy for bringing most of the comedy to the stories with his bizarre gadgets and funny clothes. Sergeant Benton who works hard and plays hard. Dippy Jo Grant, the station clerk whose love life is always in turmoil and usually follows her to work, but underneath we learn she has a heart of gold. And watching over them all with a paternalistic air is Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart; an experienced officer who is frequently called on to mediate between UNIT and the alien of the week; as well as lending a sympathetic ear to his team's personal problems. We think there should be an on/off relationship between him and Liz Shaw. In this format we'll be able to tackle the big issues in dramatic situations that the audience will be able to relate to. The fans will tune in every week to hear the Brig remind his troops at roll call, "Let's be careful out there!"

Wholighting

He's loud, wacky and quixotic, she's sexy, snobbish and testy. They argue all the time but underneath there's this kind of chemical attraction. Like Mulder and Scully. Together they form a galactic detective agency and travel through time and space becoming involved in all manner of adventures. Their adventures will be punctuated with knowing asides to the audience that sends up this whole SF formula. Comic relief is given by the dizzy, furry alien who tries to run the reception. The audience will keep tuning in on a will they/won't they go to bed together basis.

Mystery Who Theatre 3000

The Doctor is sentenced by the time lords to spend the rest of his life at the edge of the galaxy watching an eternal film show of his worse ever stories. If it wasn't for the companionship of his robots, K9 Tom Servo and Crow, he'd go mad but together they can always laugh off the tat they have to observe. The advantage of this approach is that since it is all repeats it will be really cheap to make!

Whoway to Heaven

The Doctor is sentenced to exile on Earth again. In order to regain his knowledge of time-travel he has to travel the dusty roads of the US, doing good deeds. Accompanying him is a companion, some sort of regular guy, who provides the human perspective. This will be a people show; dealing with real issues rather than special effects. Each week the Doctor will restore a priest's faith, reconcile a family, heal a terminally-ill cute kid or put some crook on the straight and narrow. Then at the end of each episode, just in case the viewer has missed the point, he delivers a quick sermon on humanity. It's bound to be a daytime TV hit.

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